Great Sex! Issue 2

Last week I talked about the elements of great sex. I thought I'd continue that theme.

Ever think about how often God uses Marriage as a metaphor for his relationship for the church. We read about the Bride of Christ, the bridegroom, and the marriage supper of the lamb. Then there is the Song of Solomon and the book of Hosea in which God refers to the nation of Israel as a Harlot.

Why does he do that? Well, I believe it is because it is the most intimate relationship that we experience on earth, and God wanted us to understand the degree of intimacy he wants to have with us.

What is the most intimate part of marriage? Sex! Think about the degree of vulnerability and intimacy required to enjoy great sex. It is a delicate, beautiful thing that in its fullest expression is both mind blowing and incredibly pleasurable. It requires that we be naked and without shame. We are exposed and vulnerable while seeking to both give and receive pleasure. Get the picture?

Well, what is the equivalent in our relationship with God? I believe it is worship. In worship we approach God in an intimate way. We expose ourselves to his presence and drink in his wonder. Kind of mind blowing. I tease me me wife sometimes and say, let's go upstairs for some worship.

Now can you imagine what happens when we take something designed to show us how much God desires intimacy with us and turn it into something base and perverted? That is why God has so many injunctions about sexual immorality. It is turning something sacred and holy into an abomination and idolatry.

If you want great sex! think of the purity of God's love and the intimacy that he desires for us. Then have a fantasic experience.

Great Sex! How to have it?

I had thought I'd stick with the Identity theme for a while, but yesterday's counseling load caused me to change my mind. Great Sex! Gets your attention doesn't it?

Let me give you a few ingredients drawn from The Celebration of Sex by Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau:
1) Playfulness - it’s the ability to let go, to frolic, and be silly. We forget how to have fun and are too serious much of the time.
2) Love - unconditional acceptance, gentleness, forgiveness. It is the act of placing another person's needs above our own. Intimacy is built on this concept. How can we be open and vulnerable to another person who we can't trust to put us first?
3) Knowledge - Intimacy is the act of knowing and being known. It requires that we understand our partner and what pleases them, what they need and desire. It also requires that we disclose ourselves to the other person.
4) Honesty - While we are playful, we don't play games. We are direct and honest. We don't manipulate but express how we feel and what we need. We never break the bond of our commitment to the other person.
5) Forgiveness - Hurt breaks intimacy. Often the hurt is not by our partner, but someone else, but it causes us to be fearful of being hurt. We must learn to forgive those who have hurt us in order to be free to receive and give love. Forgiveness is canceling the debt owed to us by someone else. It doesn't mean that we forget it, but it means that they no longer owe us anything.
6) Creative Romance - Connecting requires creativity. The same old routine gets boring and we feel used. When someone makes an effort to connect with us in a unique way, we know that they are putting effort into the relationship and it causes us to feel loved.
7) Discipline - Means being planful and deliberate. While spontaneity is great, the pressures of our daily lives will cause us to drift. We need to be intentional about our relationship, then the spontaneity can occur.

What does God think of you?

This is actually a critical question because it drives what we think of our selves. Most of us spend our lives looking for approval from others. We are trained from very early that they way we find acceptance is by performing well. This could be through sports, school, music, dance, and of course work. Our society is set up on this principle.

There is nothing wrong with performing well. The issue is when we need the approval of others to feel good about ourselves. In the worst examples, we actually derive our identity from others. We are defined by what our parents think of us, our peers, and finally our spouse.

Take some time and ask God what he thinks of you. Let me know what you hear?