Christmas - Sometimes isn't so Merry

This is the time of year when we celebrate the birth of Jesus, give gifts, and enjoy friends and family. It can be a wonderful time, but for some its a depressing time.

Today, I was playing tennis with a group and overhead a discussion by a couple of women from the other team. One of the women had been married for 25 years, but recently seperated from her husband and was facing the Christmas and New Years alone. Her friend was inviting her to spend time with them. A great idea!

Special times of the year are times when depression can be worst as we face loses. One family just lost their daughter, another a parent or spouse.

We can help by being sensitive to these people and making sure they are included in our activities. Allow them to talk about their loses and encourage them to remember the good times. Ask them to show you pictures or tell you stories.

Don't tell them not to be sad or to cheer up. It doesn't help and simply makes them feel worse that they can't do what you asked.

Scripture can be a comfort as we thing of our loses. Recently, I have been remembering the fellowship we have in Christ sufferring when we suffering. That means suffering is a gift because it draws us closer to Christ and allows us to identify with him. We receive his comfort as we suffer so that we can share it with others.

I talked with two different men this week who had lost grown sons this year. Both of these sons were lost tragically in the prime of their life do to illness. How do you console men who have lost their sons? All I could do was remind them that God had lost his only son as well. He understands and shares their pain.

I pray that you have a joyous Christmas, but that you will also love those you know who aren't haven't such a Merry Christmas.

Why be thankful?

Why is it important to be thankful? Well, one reason is that we are told to by scripture. In Philippians 4:6 Paul tells us "Philippians 4:6 "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."

On the other hand, I don't know about you, but because I said so was never a good enough reason for me. So hear are a few other thoughts.

First, being thankful reduces anxiety and depression. How so? Anxiety is always focused on the future while depression is usually focused on our past sense of failure and our future lack of hope. When we give thanks, we are reminded that there are things that have gone well for us in the past. The best predictor of the future is past experience. Therefore, being thankful helps us see the positive that has occurred in the past and gives us hope for the future.

Second, being thankful is the best way to encourage those who have blessed us in the past to continue to do so. Nothing is so demotivating as having done something nice for someone and it go unappreciated. We are much less likely to do it again.

Isn't it wonderful that God is patient with us. He provides so much to us that we take for granted. Pausing to reflect on this is one way that we build our faith. When we reflected on all of his blessings we can be reassured that we he will continue to do so in the future.

I was talking with a friend yesterday who was beginning to worry about losing his job. His major client had shut down their development program and there was less work for him to do going forward. He was beginning to realize that his job could be in jeopardy. Maybe you can relate to this, or perhaps you have already lost your job in this current economy. Maybe finances are really tight and your not sure how you are going to afford the mortgage let alone Christmas.

Remember, Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." God has a plan for you. In the case of Jeremiah, he was about to bring about the fall and destruction of Jerusalem, yet he promised Jeremiah that he had a plan for him.

Jesus tell us that he came that we might have life and have it abundantly. The truth is that we are experiencing the most abundant life materially of any people in history. But, are you pausing to be thankful? Are you experiencing the abundant life?

Great Sex! Issue 2

Last week I talked about the elements of great sex. I thought I'd continue that theme.

Ever think about how often God uses Marriage as a metaphor for his relationship for the church. We read about the Bride of Christ, the bridegroom, and the marriage supper of the lamb. Then there is the Song of Solomon and the book of Hosea in which God refers to the nation of Israel as a Harlot.

Why does he do that? Well, I believe it is because it is the most intimate relationship that we experience on earth, and God wanted us to understand the degree of intimacy he wants to have with us.

What is the most intimate part of marriage? Sex! Think about the degree of vulnerability and intimacy required to enjoy great sex. It is a delicate, beautiful thing that in its fullest expression is both mind blowing and incredibly pleasurable. It requires that we be naked and without shame. We are exposed and vulnerable while seeking to both give and receive pleasure. Get the picture?

Well, what is the equivalent in our relationship with God? I believe it is worship. In worship we approach God in an intimate way. We expose ourselves to his presence and drink in his wonder. Kind of mind blowing. I tease me me wife sometimes and say, let's go upstairs for some worship.

Now can you imagine what happens when we take something designed to show us how much God desires intimacy with us and turn it into something base and perverted? That is why God has so many injunctions about sexual immorality. It is turning something sacred and holy into an abomination and idolatry.

If you want great sex! think of the purity of God's love and the intimacy that he desires for us. Then have a fantasic experience.

Great Sex! How to have it?

I had thought I'd stick with the Identity theme for a while, but yesterday's counseling load caused me to change my mind. Great Sex! Gets your attention doesn't it?

Let me give you a few ingredients drawn from The Celebration of Sex by Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau:
1) Playfulness - it’s the ability to let go, to frolic, and be silly. We forget how to have fun and are too serious much of the time.
2) Love - unconditional acceptance, gentleness, forgiveness. It is the act of placing another person's needs above our own. Intimacy is built on this concept. How can we be open and vulnerable to another person who we can't trust to put us first?
3) Knowledge - Intimacy is the act of knowing and being known. It requires that we understand our partner and what pleases them, what they need and desire. It also requires that we disclose ourselves to the other person.
4) Honesty - While we are playful, we don't play games. We are direct and honest. We don't manipulate but express how we feel and what we need. We never break the bond of our commitment to the other person.
5) Forgiveness - Hurt breaks intimacy. Often the hurt is not by our partner, but someone else, but it causes us to be fearful of being hurt. We must learn to forgive those who have hurt us in order to be free to receive and give love. Forgiveness is canceling the debt owed to us by someone else. It doesn't mean that we forget it, but it means that they no longer owe us anything.
6) Creative Romance - Connecting requires creativity. The same old routine gets boring and we feel used. When someone makes an effort to connect with us in a unique way, we know that they are putting effort into the relationship and it causes us to feel loved.
7) Discipline - Means being planful and deliberate. While spontaneity is great, the pressures of our daily lives will cause us to drift. We need to be intentional about our relationship, then the spontaneity can occur.

What does God think of you?

This is actually a critical question because it drives what we think of our selves. Most of us spend our lives looking for approval from others. We are trained from very early that they way we find acceptance is by performing well. This could be through sports, school, music, dance, and of course work. Our society is set up on this principle.

There is nothing wrong with performing well. The issue is when we need the approval of others to feel good about ourselves. In the worst examples, we actually derive our identity from others. We are defined by what our parents think of us, our peers, and finally our spouse.

Take some time and ask God what he thinks of you. Let me know what you hear?

Graduation Day

Hallelujah I'm Done.  Its been 5 long years, but today I completed my MDiv.

Why did I do it?  Mostly, because I'm not a quiter and God told me to.  I don't yet know what he wants me to do with it.  I know it helps me relate to pastors and I have grow tremendously on a personal level.  Will he want me to be a pastor?

For now I plan to continue counseling and working in the market place.  That is enough.  He will show me what to do.